February 2012
6 posts
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My mom just diagnosed our cat with diabetes and I’m like 99% sure she’s right. So now I’m calling him Diabeto and not at all acknowledging the fact that this is actually a serious problem.
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January 2012
77 posts
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I think green is kind of whorish
– Angela Martin
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HEY. ALL WANT IS TO CARPOOL WITH GEORGE CLOONEY...
uuuummmmyeeahthatshouldbeme
Organizing Amy's Room
Amy you should get baskets to put on the floor of your closet and your pajamas can live in them instead of in a messy heap.
Amy’s Edit: …I have that, you just can’t tell.
Aifric’s Edit: wow are you serious?? okay let me know when you’re done with your portfolio stuff, and i’ll creep into your room at night and organize it
Tonight at Dinner!!! Cont.
Mom: So this dog was on top of you, and you were like two, and he was mounting you-
Me: HE WAS TRYING TO MATE WITH ME?!?!?
Tonight at Dinner!!!
Family friend, on her seventeen year old son: “Yeah, so Peter is at his girlfriend’s house tonight.”
My mom: “…so you think they’ve done it yet?”
Now it's Sinead O'Connor
I’m betting on Celine Dion next?
Edit: I was wrong. It’s Smooth by Rob Thomas featuring Carlos Santana
Edit 2: Dido!
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My mom is listening to Alanis Morrisette
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Remember that time I saw Daniel Radcliffe in real...
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Fashion things that I (Amy) am getting better at:
-not following the pattern
-lol what seam allowance?
-screaming
-crying
-vomiting (crucial skill, btw)
-hating everything
-cocaine
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I was going to make a post called “How to wear your turtleneck as a hat” because I tried it and it looked awesome, but it would have required pictures and I don’t think my turtleneck is comfortable with having its picture on the internet.
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Hey, you know what's fun?
WHEN YOUR FRIEND CAN’T BREATHE BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING SO HARD AT YOUR OUTFIT.
Update: Today: “Well I couldn’t tell if you were joking or not!”
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Worst Hybrid Words:
“Cuntalicious” (cunt, delicious)
“Fetush” (fetus, fetish)
How To Tell If You Have A Yeast Infection
You’re giving yourself a home bikini wax. You:
Are calm and collect while slathering on the wax and ripping off the strips
Are screaming your way through the pain
Are wondering why your vag is already red and swollen
You’re standing on the bus, at crotch-face level with those who are sitting. You:
Notice people either doing nothing, or suggestively winking at you
Notice...
Things To Do To Pregnant Women
- Tell them the sex of their baby
- Fondle their stomach without warning
- Tell them about your episiotomy and how it went horribly wrong (and how now you only have one hole ‘down there’)
- Tell them that natural birth is THE ONLY way to go (and if they have an epidural it’s ‘bad for the baby’ and they are a ‘horrible person and mother’)
- Tell them...
Another conversation
Nighty night, my little testicle! - my mom
Ps. this is a COMMONLY USED nickname.
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A conversation:
I’m chewing on my earphones
Mom: Get that our of your mouth!
Me: That’s what she-no, he said
Mom: OHO that was a good one! Well goodnight you… fox
A Trait Shared By Aifric And Amy
We both PMS like craycray.
We both used to be able to bite our toenails.
Amy’s edit: I’m pretty sure I still could if I wanted to.
BOOM
A trait shared by both Aifric and Amy:
We will not let our parents wash our stuffed animals because we like how they smell.
We are both seventeen.
Aifric’s edit: the smell is dried spit. and we are both aware of this.
Amy’s edit: I wasn’t sure whether you wanted people to know or not.
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Things I Think Should Trend On Twitter.
- #HowIGotMyFirstPeriod
- #HowToBlowSomeoneElse’sNose
- #HowToBlowSomeoneElse
- #HowToSnortBlow
- #HowToBlowAwayYourCoworkers
- #EnoughWithTheBlow
- #AppropriateBodyPartsOfAFiveYearOldToMassage
- #WhatToDoWithYourPlacenta (see note at: #PlacentaLasagnaRecipes)
- #WhatToDoWithYourStillbirth (see note at: #LasagnaRecipes)
- #RicottaCheeseShouldNotExist (just a fact)
-...
parks and recreaaaation
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qLH-FHhc5S0
Amy’s edit: CAN WE JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT ENGLAND FOR A BIT THANKS.